A long few days

On the Tuesday morning some how Darren and I slept through until 8:40! We looked at our phones and were inundated with texts from friends and family asking how Elsie's night had gone. We sniggered between ourselves at how terrible we both were at sleeping in so late and that we had better rush to the TM Unit because the nurses will think we were awful! We got there and it was a new nurse who we hadn't met. She was so lovely and we said sorry we were so late and that we had overslept. She smiled at us and said we must have needed it.  She hit the nail on the head.  We did.  After no proper sleep because of worry it was so reassuring to know Elsie had had the surgery she needed and yes, she was still very poorly but all her problems had either been addressed or were in the pipeline to be.  First thing I noticed was the dreaded longline had been successfully put in her arm.  They must have done it overnight when I wasn't around and waiting to sit with her.  I was relieved that they eventually got it in though. The Drs, Registrars and Paediatricians were doing their walk around and decided to start taking her out of the coma early!  I was really shocked as we weren't expecting that until late Wednesday! I was pleased, of course.  However in all honesty, I was a little apprehensive as I didn't want her to be rushed.  The Drs explained that the repair on the oesophagus hadn't been too difficult so she didn't have to be "dead still" for quite so long!  It was lovely to hear.  We sat with her for a bit then we went back to our room and showered etc.  I needed clothes and things and being so close to the town It was rude not to go and do a bit of shopping.  Yes, my child was in hospital, yes, I was worried but there really wasn't a better distraction.  Everybody deals with scenarios differently.  At the time Elsie was in a coma, I couldn't do anything for her so the least I could do was do a little something for myself.  To be fair also, we ended up buying more stuff for Elsie than we did for me.

I haven't spoken to another special care mum about it, but people's expectations and judgements were really high up in my mind at this point.  I don't know why but I was just very conscious of people's opinions.  Yes I went shopping, yes my husband and I went out for evening meals, I even went and got my hair highlighted all whilst Elsie was in her coma.  I didn't care any less that my child was poorly.  But I knew she was being looked after and there was nothing I could do for her at that point apart from express my milk.  Living in the Ronald MacDonald house was great and the charity is amazing but sometimes you just have to get away from the hospital walls and make the best of this horrible temporary life you are living.  I suppose it was my escapism. 

On the Wednesday afternoon Elsie was awake, just! The nurse showed us on the machine how to see which breaths Elsie was doing for herself and which ones she needed the machine to take over.  It turned into a bit of a game seeing how long Elsie could cope by herself, by the Thursday morning she was totally off of the ventilator and just had oxygen in her nostrils.  They kept on lowering the oxygen but she was getting very tired and struggling to keep her levels up so they had to keep raising the oxygen flow going to her.  But she was doing really well.  At this point too they were reducing her pain killers. She was awake and aware.  She could stare at me which was lovely. A Dr came along to do her Kidney, Liver and brain scan! He covered her in jelly. It was in her hair and everything.  Once he had told me all the scans looked good I couldn't wait to get all the jelly off of her! Her hair looked so gungey and horrid I couldn't not wait to get her home and give her a good bath! 

The next task for the day was Elsie's contrast study! This was big! If it went well, Elsie could have her chest drain removed as it meant the op had been completely successful and we could have a cuddle again!  At lunchtime Elsie went down for her scan! She had to swallow dye and make sure none of it leaked out of her oesophagus. She was bought back to us in the TM unit where they said it had all been successful. Yay! A lovely nurse said she would do the procedure to removed the chest drain and then I could haven my cuddle!  Darren and I helped her with the procedure.  Keeping Elsie on her side and keeping her arms away from the area. It was so nice to have been part of that process!  The drain was removed and then it was my turn for a cuddle!  It was lovely!  But again, in a soap it would have been a meltdown moment.  But it wasn't for me. It was a target hit! As of Monday I hadn't doubted that we would have got to the cuddle stage!  Elsie had proved she was a fighter and I knew she smash through and exceed every expectiation.  And she did!  Whilst I was getting my cuddle with Elsie a lot of Drs came over to speak to us.  They quite literally said "she's a waste of space in here and as soon as a bed is available in high dependency we shall move her."  It was the only time I think I will ever be pleased to hear my child being called a waste of space.  I loved my cuddle and it lasted for hours.  We were on a positive road now and I was excited for what could happen on the Saturday